Here's an excerpt from my friend Nancy's blog: she's riffing on those personality surveys everyone always sends out (and that I always end up replying to, because I love an opportunity to talk about myself, of course).
In case anyone's wondering, here's why I don't usually respond to those surveys: THEY'RE SO MIND-NUMBINGLY DULL. I don't CARE whether you wear short socks or long socks, whether you drink soy milk or milk hot out of the cow's udder, whether you prefer bacon or sausage. I don't particulary want to know the name of the person who gave you your first kiss, although that's a little more interesting. If I'm going to get an emailed survey that I'm willing to circulate among my friends and colleagues, let me tell you, I want something JUICY. I want something REAL. I want you to TELL ME SOMETHING.
So here are the questions she asks, and my juicy, real, tell-me-something answers.
1. What the F are you doing answering this survey when you have so much other crap to do? Just exactly how bored are you right now? Does that tell you something?
I'm procrastinating going in and doing my core strengthening exercises. They make my butt hurt, and although I feel stronger, I still have a saggy arse. Plus, I was feeling the need to catch up with my pals' blogs.
2. When was the last time you bawled your eyes out and why?
Hmmm. Probably had something to do with my last period, although I haven't had a really good, satisfying, heaving sob in a long time, maybe because I've been exercising instead. I wouldn't mind one. I did tear up in unchurch today, because Dr. Roger always says things like, "Don't you know you are perfect? Don't you know that healing only ever means revealing that perfection?" And I feel like I've come home, and then cry.
3. What parts of you feel really broken and what do you want to do about it?
Well, there's the interesing before-Eric/after-Eric life split, wherein I feel like I've had two separate lives. Before-Eric is tainted with shame and regret, for some reason, even though that's only part of that story. I would like to heal that. I'm not sure what to do about it yet. Some prayer, probably. Some visioning. But I haven't put the energy toward it yet.
4. What parts of you do you treasure the most and why?
I feel so grateful for my life so much of the time. I feel very present for most of it, and I think I'm committed toward constantly finding ways to appreciate and enjoy my life and my loved ones.
My loved ones, my babies.
My drive (and I ain't talking about the Hyundai).
5. Describe the single most mind-blowing sexual experience you've ever had. You don't have to name names.
Can't. Mom reads the blog.
6. If you had to pick two celebrities to be your parents, who would you pick and why?
I don't know why, but this question kind of grosses me out.
7. Say you had the means to keep a wild animal as a pet. What kind of beast would you choose?
Definitely a polar bear. Cause they ain't got no ice left.
8. What's the closest you've ever gotten to sensing the existence of a higher power?
Maybe this morning, when Fran, earth mama at unchurch, channeled this awesomely intense, spot-on prayer for me. I had goosebumps for miles.
9. If you were in a coma but could hear everything around you, what would you want your loved ones to do?
Laugh and joke about my long monkey arms? Decide who gets my wicked collection of Banana Republic sweaters? I don't know! Talk about how wonderful I am, of course!
10. What's the biggest "mistake" you've ever made?
I don't think there are any really big ones, like ones that I really regret. Mostly I regret the small instances, the saying hurtful things to people I loved, or forgetting someone's birthday, or the misunderstandings. But ask me in six years when I come up for tenure.
11. If you could switch careers right now and do anything else you wanted to do, what would it be?
I totally had the thought this morning that I would go to ministerial school. Maybe that's just cause unchurch rocked so hard today, though.
12. What bugs you the most about kids?
Nothing about mine, really. Only that they make you want to be better than you are all the time, and that's exhausting. Other people's kids? Eh. Take em or leave em.
13. What are you addicted to and why?
Processed sugar, for sure, because it feels like sweet, sweet love.
Fear. I'm trying to figure out why.
14. Who are your top three heroes?
There are so many people I admire. But, three types: anyone who is brave enough to show others their weaknesses as well as their strengths, to be vulnerable with others. Anyone who as lived through the death of a child and has gone on to survive. Anyone who doesn't do what he or she is "supposed" to do, but listens to the call and follows it.
15. If you could be a singer giving a concert for one night, who would it be?
Ooh, I fantasize about this all the time. I'd want to look like Cheryl Crow, rock like Bonnie Raitt, and channel Dave Matthews.
16. Would you rather vomit or have diarrhea?
17. What kind of 9 year-old were you?
Very insecure. I have a memory of wearing a lot of turquoise turtlenecks and obsessively curling my hair (when it was permed beyond recognition). I like being smart. I always wanted to be someone else. Lonely, maybe. Sassy, too.
18. What do you fake? (In what area of your life do you feel like a faker?)
I am always worried about being "found out" at work. I was talking to a colleague about this the other day, and she feels the same. I think it might be inherent in the profession.
19. Which character do you most relate to: Yoda, E.T., Jabba the Hut, Chewbaca, Grover, Oscar the Grouch, Snuffleufagus, R2D2, or the Little Mermaid?
No offense, Nuje, but this is the only lame questionon your list.
20. How do you feel about being alone, with no noise or distractions, for more than four hours?
Are you serious? It's my idea of nirvana. NIRVANA, I tell you. Does this actually happen to people?
21. What singe limb would you most hate to lose and why?
Right hand. I do everything with it. Everything.