I think one of the things that bums me out the most about parenting is the being exhausted so much of the time. There are several times everyday where I just feel tired. Tired. Worn-out, beat-down, heel-dragging tired. It's the kind of tired where I just feel like crying, because it feels like I will never again not be tired, that I'm doomed to a life of tiredness.
This is all made worse by the fact that I don't have much space to be tired in. I have to be at work or to be with my girls or to be doing things, because we just have hardly any room at the edges in this life. It's something I'd like to change, but for now, we are pushing ourselves, and hard.
Which explains the wicked caffeine addiction I've developed in the last year or so. I should qualify: I have two big cups of coffee a day, and occasionally a third. Which maybe doesn't sound like much, but I'm fully latched on to the coffee teat. If I have less than my two cups, I'm in for a wicked headache. And it's starting not to work so well. My fatigue sessions are increasing in intensity and frequency. My tolerance for the stuff is growing.
I'm drinking plenty of water, eat well (you wouldn't believe the leafy greens, people! My God, do I eat leafy greens). I have a beer or a glass of wine four or five nights a week, but I'm not a lush by any means. I exercise pretty regularly. And, while the girls haven't been sleeping that well lately, I'm usually in bed, at least, for seven or eight hours a night.
So, I'm thinking the culprit might be the white sugar. Sweet, sweet sugar. I have had a wicked sweet tooth for as along as I can remember, and now it's beginning to catch up with me. The ten-pound weight-gains that seemingly come out of nowhere, the exhausting sugar lows, the trembling when I don't have dessert after every meal. Yep, that might be part of the problem.
Or, it's the combination of everything--the less-than-quality sleep, the shrinking margins for relaxation in our life, the sugar and caffeine. It may also be that I'm getting older and my body just doesn't have as much energy as it did. I don't know. All I know is that I hate being tired, and will probably need to change something soon.
On a related note, here's the update with the kids' sleeping situations: Addie is now putting herself to sleep. Eric (genius!) convinced her to "practice" going to sleep by herself while I was in D.C. Now she's a pro. I gave in with Nolie, on the other hand, and just started putting her down with a bottle again. We'll have to try again with her later.