Monday, June 2, 2008

It seems like all I write on this blog is how busy I am, how stressed.  Frantic, frantic, frantic.  Blah, blah, blah.  How tiresome.

It would be interesting to write, instead, about how rich it all is, how filled with new experiences, and how happy and grateful I am for this.  Because that is what really goes on.  Blessing upon blessing is heaped upon my head, and I live fully every one of them, and love them all.  Don't believe my bitching for one minute.

Take the last three weeks, for example.  Those weeks that happened after the semester ended and my time shifted.  In those weeks, I had divine experiences floating in the gulf of Mexico; I saw my brother get married in a lovely, seven-minute Vegas ceremony (during which Nolie pooped, and announced that fact to all in the chapel.  Swell); I finished a paper and got it sent off for review (again.  Man).  We had a lovely, crazy visit from Steve and Julie and their beautiful little ones Gwen and Raiff.

And I have spent days with my kids.  Daycares have been closed as they make their transition to summer camps, and rather than kill myself trying to find alternate care, I've decided to mom up.  So I've had more time with these little ones in one long stretch than I've had in a year.  Maybe more.  I think in the past I might have dreaded this a little, wondered what I would do with the kids for so much time.  Definitely would have felt stressed about not working for that long.

But it was absolutely delightful.  I just gave myself over to it, didn't set any crazy agendas, and rediscovered my children.  We remade some of our ways of interacting, and felt our love for one another deepen.  We had a chance to interact without the stress of scheduling and expectations.  We swam.  We went to the aquarium.  We read books and hung out and did art.

This also coincided with my starting to work out again.  This seems to be a pattern for me--get in shape in the summer, then treat my body like a turd for nine months while the school year consumes me.  Would be nice to rethink that pattern.  In any case, I am way happier when I care for myself physically.

It also helped that I was 100% completely, totally, globally fed up with work, and didn't mind taking some time off from it.  Didn't miss it.  Briefly flirted with the idea of being a stay-at-home mom.  Am still flirting with it, to be honest, but maybe not so seriously.  I'm pretty excited to do some of the projects I have planned for July.

But for now I have the taste of a slower, sweeter motherhood on my lips, and I liked it.  I'll be thinking about how to taste it more often even when I go back to work.  Sweeeeeet nectar cheese.  Yum.

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