Monday, August 25, 2008

brave and fast

Nolie has pooped on the potty twice now, which I take as a personal sign from God that I am still loved.  Cause many of his messages these days seem to come wrapped in turds. 


Can I just say for the bajillionth time that my girls ARE GROWING UP!?!  And that I have completely mixed emotions about it?

Example:  I am holding snuggly little Nolie in my lap at the dinner table last night, and she is all chubby and yummy and adorable.  Eric and I are completely in the moment, grinning at each other with the delight of it all, and he says to her, "Nolie, just don't grow up, okay?  Just stay exactly the way you are.  No more growing!"

And she says, "No, daddy!  I growing!"  And I say, "No, Nolie!  Don't grow!"  You know, all kidding like?  And she turns to me and smacks the crap out of my face.  It was a slap that should have been in a movie.  It was that perfect.

Moment over.

Then, tonight, we're at our monthly neighborhood potluck (which fills me with oodles and oodles of gratitude, btw) and Addie is being a little shy because there are probably a dozen kids running around smacking each other with light sabers and they're mostly boys or older girls.  All night I encourage her to go play, introduce her to the other kids, who politely nod their heads at me before running off.  I hug her and love on her and tell her it's okay, just go play. 

Then, finally, near the end of the evening, she comes up to me and whispers, "Mama?  I'm going to go play with those big girls now because I'm brave and also I'm fast."  And I swell with complete pride at my little one.  I watch her trot over to a little girl who is six and very busy, and Addie stands in front of her, throws her shoulders back, smiles, waves, and says, I'm Addie! and the girl blows right past her, knocking her down.

Heart:  million pieces.

Don't grow up.  Don't do it.  No.


  1. Oh. My heart broke a little for Addie. She and Ember seem so similar. So brilliant and so shy. Ember will just sit and watch the other kids. Or the kids will be playing and she'll stop playing to mother her little sister. They are good girls and it's scary to see the mean world breaking their kind little hearts. In all truth, our hearts probably break harder for them. Keep up the good work, mama! And on your mama's situation, I don't have any words of comfort, but my thoughts have been with you. -Cassandra

  2. nooooooooo...don't groooooooow! At least not until I have a chance to see you again, Nolester. Until then, you must remain little and poly and shrieking and silly...sweet Magnolia, little girl of my heart, remember the night I rocked you to sleep then damn near dropped you as I tried to put you in your crib? Of course you don't. But I do. I will never forget it for as long as I live. And if you get all sassy in your old age (say, 6) I will not hesitate to pick your ass up again and put you to bed. (Only with your parent's permission, of course.)

    JJ, you amaze me every single day. I need to detour to the 'vad again, and collect another hug.

    You GO.