Thursday, March 20, 2008

I Got To Say It Was a Good Day

A colleague and friend just popped in my office door, cheerful and kind, asking how I was.  I opened my mouth and found myself spewing a fountain of ridiculous complaints.

Stop the record.

I'm sitting here a half-hour later, wondering why in the world I did that.  I'm surrounded by extraordinary blessings and moments of grace every five seconds, in my job and otherwise, and when I open my mouth out comes the stream of self-involved, over-processed bullshit.  I'm happy, for chrissakes!  I'm having a great day!  Why did I bitch and moan?  I just manufactured a whole bunch of drama out of nothing.  What is that about?

True, things have been tough at work lately, especially before spring break.  I had a little meltdown, I think, caused by not taking enough care of myself, working too much, and making dumb choices divorced from what I really wanted.  But a big chunk of that unhappiness, I realized today, has been manufactured by me being on bullshit-spewing autopilot rather than reacting to the present that happens to be around me.

So, how am I doing today?

Fantastic.  I had a great interview with the editor of my favorite magazine in the world, an interview I'll be able to use in a research paper I'm getting to work on.  I'm sitting in my cozy little office with a cup of my favorite tea doing research I'm really excited about--research about global warming, and the role of action and hope.  I was in a great class this morning.  The sun is shining.  It's the first day of spring.  I get to go home tonight to my incredible family who, when I walk in the door, scream "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA" as loud as they can, and practically fall down weeping to see me, like I was Elvis or something.  We're having new friends over for dinner--friends with kids!  I get to crawl into bed tonight with my incredibly sexy husband.  There's a candidate running for office who makes me weepy every time he opens his mouth.  Many parts of the world (our own included) seem to be going to hell in a handbasket, and still there is beauty and grace everywhere.

I'm good.  To quote Ice Cube, Today was a good day....  And that's the truth, Ruth.

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