Thursday, March 13, 2008

Rocking Nolie

Nolie is wanting me to rock her to sleep again, a habit she had fallen out of before we left for Idaho, but got used to while we were gone.  I have mixed feelings about it, of course.  On the one hand, it's nice to be able to lay her down in her crib, say "night night" and then go enjoy some free time before I pass out myself.  [Note:  by "free time," I usually mean do the dishes, or pay bills, or catch up on work.  Sometimes love on husband].  Like last night, we had a few friends over, and it would have been great to chat with them instead of be trapped in the nursery of darkness, rocking, rocking, rocking.

Then again, it is perfectly lovely, this captive time with her.  Nolie still barely fits into my lap, her knees curled up, her head nestled up under my chin.  Her eyelashes flutter against my shoulder while she fights off sleep, and she whispers goodnights to all of her loved ones (ni-ni d-Addie, ni-ni Dada, ni-ni Mama, ni-ni Gigi, ni-ni Pru-Pru, ni-ni Papa...).  Then she goes limp and her heaviness sinks into my body while I murmur to myself at the gorgeousness of it all.

I was thinking, too, last night, of a time in the future when she won't want to be rocked by me, when such intimacy will be flatly refused, as it should be, as she grows up.  There will be plenty of time to talk with my friends then, to fill the space my girls will have left in their processes of individuation.  It will be interesting to deal with their own suffocation rather than my own.  For now, I'll breathe Nolie and Addie in when they crawl into my laps, and be glad they choose me for comfort.


  1. There was a time when I would resent having to sit in the room with Ember while she fell asleep. I wanted to be out doing my yoga practice, or the million chores that had piled up. Now I realize just how precious those moments in the dark with my babies are. It's the time when Ember will chatter at me and I'll know just what's on her mind. It's a time I know I won't have forever. Thanks for the lovely reminder of the importance of holding on to it while we have it, and letting go when the time comes.

  2. You have noted very interesting details ! ps decent site here .

  3. do you have twitter or facebook!I want to be your fans in hurry.

  4. I desire you all good day, this site is positively nice I would till hell freezes over follow this site. Help me a category of timedata would be btained from this site, or hope to.