Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Clam and Corn Fritters

Dear Jeff and Jodie,

I'm writing today for two reasons.  The first is to tell you how much I've enjoyed your book, The Working Parents' Cookbook.  Over the last five years or so, I've been excited to learn how to cook, and my husband and I like preparing fresh, yummy meals together.  We've liked a lot of the recipes from your book, and sometimes I just use it as inspiration to make up my own dishes, which is great.  We both work and have two little girls, so I also appreciate that many of your recipes are low-maintenance and tasy.

The second reason I'm writing has to do with that recipe in your book for "Clam and Corn Fritters."  We don't eat a lot of deep-fat-fried food in our family.  Almost none, really.  As a matter of fact, I once gave up fried food for a year, and didn't really miss it at all!  But you know, every once in a while, I do get a hankering for that crunchy itch that only deep-fat-frying can scratch.  And in the summer time, what's not to love about recipes calling for fresh corn?  Yum!  I like to use organic--it's so sweet and tasty, and good for the environment, too.  Plus, my husband got laid off, so we're trying some fun new recipes from home since we can't afford to eat out.  Clam and corn fritters, here we come!



Your recipe called for about two inches' worth of canola oil in a pan or skillet.  Heat up that oil on high heat until it's bubbling a little, and then turn it down to medium heat and throw that fritter dough in there.  It browns for a minute or two, flip it for another minute or two, and eat your heart out!  Prep time only 15 minutes, cooking time only 10.  Fantastic!

Of course, I might have made a few changes to the recipe, knowing what I know now.  For instance, I might have said something like, "If you put the skillet on high heat and the oil doesn't really bubble but just starts to smoke, and then all of your smoke alarms start going off in the house, and then your five-year-old who is TERRIFIED, just terrified, of smoke alarms and anything having to do with fire is around and starts screaming and holding her hands over her ears, and maybe pees her pants a little, then you should gently usher your children out to the backyard, calmly remove the batteries from the smoke alarms, and, donning a protective rubber suit, turn off the heat on the burner and let the oil cool."

"Furthermore, it is not recommended to disregard the signals the smoking oil and alarms and screaming children are sending you, and simply throw the fritter batter in the pan anyway.  If you do this--not that you would, you're much too smart for that--the fritter batter, which contains kernels of corn, will sputter and explode and eventually self-combust into flame.  Lord, it's like deep-fat-fried popcorn dynamite!"  I'd probably modify the recipe to say something like this, though I bet you could do it much more stylishly, in that mod way you have of writing.  My bet is you guys are really cool people, in person.  You definitely are in the cookbook.

Also, Jeff and Jodie, you might warn people to keep a fire extinguisher and some aloe vera lotion on hand.  Not that I needed either, really, until this morning.  The pain held off for a while, perhaps because I was in shock.  I don't remember much after the fritters exploded into flame, but I do have a faint recollection of cowering in the corner of the kitchen while my husband hopped about, avoiding exploding corn fritters and hot oil splatters, trying to reach the knob to turn the stove off.  He tells me now that he next mistakenly tried to move the skillet off of the stove and on to the counter, where it immediately bonded to the Corian, which is now blistered and scarred.  Then, after a few minutes, he moved the skillet back to the stove. Some of that Corian was still moist, apparently, from the burning, because the skillet then affixed itself to the element on the stove, via the Corian glue.  I'm crafty, so I'm thinking about how to turn the whole thing into an art project.  Please let me know if you have any ideas.

We've been wanting new counters and a new stove anyway, so no worries. 

BUT, if I were to rewrite that recipe, knowing what I know now, I might advise that folks trying out deep-fat-frying for the first time use a big old stewpot, not a skillet.  I would advise that some stoves run hotter than others, and that smoking oil means things are running real hot.  Turn that mother down, yo!  I would also advise that folks put in one test fritter, before throwing a bunch in, just to see how far that corn is going to pop, so they can protect themselves accordingly.  I take total responsibility for being a deep-fat-frying moron, so not to worry.  But maybe a little more information on "Clam and Corn Fritter" making might help others in the future, who find themselves in a similar predicament.

After all was said and done, the fritters that weren't destroyed in the melee turned out to taste pretty good.  At least, that's what my husband Eric said.  I was too traumatized to register eating them, though he swears I did.  And we still haven't found our children, after they ran out of the house.  But not to worry, I'm sure they'll be back soon.

Best of luck with your next cookbook, and I'll send pics of the kitchen remodel when it's done,
Jen


21 comments:

  1. Alright, you're going to have to forgive me for laughing. I swear I wasn't laughing at you. I am vaguely recalling a deep frying incident of my own, though not nearly as traumatic.

    P.S. Your Addie and my Ember could seriously do some damage together. Ember is extremely terrified of fire as well, and I can see her having that EXACT same reaction. Except then she would also REFUSE to eat the clam and corn fritters that I nearly sacrificed my life making for her.

    -Cassandra

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  2. You're SUPPOSED to laugh! It was hi-larious, let me tell you.

    Except for the burn part. Ouch.

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  3. Katie and I keeled over reading this aloud. At least your own *personal* clam is safe from the fry shrapnel, though probably some corn showed up in the fear-poo you took the next day.

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  4. p.s., I think it's hilarious that "Ember" is afraid of fire. Maybe she should've been named "Douse."

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  5. Nanny, I think it's safe. But I haven't really checked yet. I'm afraid.

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  6. OK, so Nanny told me I needed to come read this post. I have been slacking on my blog dependency as of late. So I came and got immediately engrossed. And laughed my ass off. Then I started smelling something....oh shit, I started some olive oil on the skillet to saute some beans, and its smoking. I'm from the South, I should know better than to walk away from oil especially to read about deep frying doofs. BTW, a few rules I have around deep frying. 1) Keep flour close by, best thing for dousing oil fire is flour, and 2) Never ever ever fry naked. xo. miss you

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