Nolie had her "well-child" check-up yesterday. "She's a tank!" said the doctor. "I know!" I responded, giggling and tickling her fat rolls. "Isn't it great?" There's nothing better than a chubby baby. She's not that big, really--50th percentile in weight. But she's got chub in all the right places, and she was so scrawny for her first few months of life that every ounce of fat is like a victory of progress over the forces of attrition and atrophy.
Nolie's head circumferences is also 75th percentile (witness picture above, in which she is wearing one of her sister's hats. Already). The thing is the size of a watermelon.
I took Addie with me for Nolie's check-up, of course, and sort of mentioned off-handedly that she'd been having a runny nose again and was irritable. The doctor peeped in her ears and said, oh yeah, infections in both ears.
That surgery can't come fast enough, IMHO.
And me? What about me?
Thanks, everyone, for your comments. Could you tell I was on the ledge? Were you talking me down? I needed it--what a crazy week. Crazy-making, anyway.
But, I went out last night, for Nancy's birthday, and gorged on oysters and fries and beer (second time in a week for oysters, I'll have you know! I don't want to see another one for at least a year). It felt so good to let go and be with friends and laugh my ass off. It felt so good, in fact, that when I woke up this morning, I decided to take the day off. It's Eric's Friday off, too, so I got to sleep in and then hang out with him and the kids, then did chores and baking and went for a walk. Just recalibrated, basically. I feel human again, grounded and relieved.
One thing is clear: my job for this weekend will be to figure out how to avoid handling future weeks the way I did this one. I know I'll have weeks where I work too much, the kids are sick, I've overcommitted, and so on. But I'd like to work out a "mental health" plan, too, that helps me in these situations. It could look something like this:
1) Ask for help. This is the single hardest thing for me to do, which is dumb, because I have a small army of caring friends, family, and coworkers who are always offering to help. I just need to get over my hero syndrome, my fear of inconveniencing others.
2) (Occasionally) break commitments. There's a long-winded reason for why I'm afraid of being seen as not living up to my word, but that's for another post. Let's just say that, in the future, when I'm feeling squeezed, I think it will be good practice for me to cancel something, only complete half of something, or ask for an extension.
3) Take care of my health. This means eating well, not downing so much caffeine, and exercising. I did some short yoga routines this week, but needed more of a stress release. I also drank enough coffee to buzz an elephant. And let's not even start on my sugar consumption. Two words: wiiiiiiidening ass.
4) Prioritize my family. No bones about it: my job is important to me. It makes me feel good to be productive and involved in the lives of others this way, and yes, there is some ego involved. But when there is a conflict where a family member needs me, he or she has to come first, and I must practice letting go of regretting my inability to be in two places at once. I am not Elastigirl. I need to let go, too, of the fear that I will be fired, spit upon, drawn and quartered, or have my face rubbed in piss and ash if I'm not 110% committed and ambitious to my job. In short, I need to chill.
Right? Maybe that's my mantra for this week. "I am chill. I am chill. I am chill."