I don't think I'll miss the t.v. too much yet, plus we can still watch stuff on the computer, and we kept Netflix for now, so that we have movies to watch. The girls will miss Noggin, but tv wasn't good for them anyway, right? They'd rather spend the time with us. When I canceled the paper, I was told I could retain online access for six months for free. Golden. Better for the environment anyway.
We haven't made any decisions about our biggest expense--the kids' school. We'll do that when we know more about when, exactly, Eric's last day will be (which could be anywhere from two weeks to three months). That will be the biggest change, and I'm only beginning to get used to it in my head.
An awesome book I'm reading suggests this: fill a jar with lots of things that you would like to do, and that are in line with your goals for growth. Like, my goals have to do with giving myself some love without spending on material possessions, and with feeling more connected to family and friends, and also feeling the love of spirit. So my jar has little slips of paper with things like, "learn the words to a good song and practice singing it," or, "call a friend," or, "meditate for 15 minutes." Whenever I'm feeling anxious about stuff, I get to pull a paper from the jar and take a mini-break, practicing something that keeps me in line with where I envision my life going. I was feeling pretty down last night, and pulled the song one. I haven't decided which one yet to learn, but I'm excited about learning a new song on the piano, and practicing singing it. I have something to look forward that is free and makes me happy. It's a gift to myself. Cool, huh?
Eric put my hand to his chest last night--it was vibrating like a drum with anxiety. "We have to remember we're on the same side," he said, after I said some not-so-nice things about feeling freaked out about his finding a job. How could I forget that he's human? That he feels this more deeply than I do, losing his livelihood? Shit. Shit. That sweet heart, pounding in that chest. The most important thing is to believe in him now, and to trust (see Nanny's post for a truly awesome example of how this works).
"What you need the most right now is each oter," says Toni.
"You can freak out if you want to," my friend Ellen reminds me. "But really, it's all good."
Sue: "You and Eric have created a very solid foundation. Plant yourself there. And thrive."
And you all called, and gave us virtual hugs, and laugh and cry with us. Thank you for this love (and also, Rose, for the cookies, which make many things better). It's all good.