Thursday, April 30, 2009

Triggering Six

Eric's been getting lots of good feedback lately.  He has a contact at a local lab who gave him positive encouragement about his skill set, for example, and told him to keep applying there for work, which is great. Eric's soon-to-be-former employer has been arranging resume workshops and opportunities for laid-off employees (euphemistically referred to as "at risk") to meet with hiring managers from the huge company's subsidiaries all over the country.  One of those subsidiaries, in Seattle, drooled all over him at the meeting yesterday.  E also has a former colleague and friend who lives in Florida.  He can have a job there anytime, the friend says.

I think I'm hanging in with all of these big changes pretty well at the moment, but the idea of moving, or worse, of Eric having to commute to another state, away from us, tears me to pieces.  I'm so proud of him, on the one hand:  he's skilled, accomplished, and well-respected.  He deserves to have a good job he enjoys and that pays him well.  On the other hand, I'd rather he scrub toilets at the Flying J (a job I once had, believe it or not) than tear our family up in a commuting arrangement.  I know other people do it, but I sure don't want to be one of them, if I can help it.

I'm only slightly more ambivalent about moving.  It has taken years for us to develop our friendships here, and they're the strongest I've ever had.  I love Colorado.  I love our house.  And, most of the time, I enjoy my work, and feel at home here.  The academic job market is worse than sour, and relocating will be difficult.  I know, if it comes down to it, I'll find the silver lining and eventually get excited about starting over with a new adventure.  But right now I've got my heels dug in and don't want to go anywhere.

So, I spent hours on big, uncontrollable sobs last night that probably had a lot to do with a bunch of things (including the impending monthly visit of my lady friend), and maybe had a lot to do with my position on the Enneagram, according to my friend Ellen:

Apparently, I'm a 6, a "loyalist," and our main motivation in life is to avoid, evade, or escape abandonment (at our best we are centered, loyal, productive friends).  Perhaps the thought of Eric leaving is triggering that?

Or maybe it would just suck donkeys, and I know it.

1 comment:

  1. i might try to look for more details on this ... btw have you got a fb page ? bookmarked your site ...