Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Weighty Waiting

I am insufferable right now.  InSUFFERable.  And I know it.  You poor things, all six of you readers, all of a sudden reading a flurry of posts right now because now, the last few days, I have entered a manic crafting-writing-creating phase.  I've made a new skirt, a shirt, crocheted a bowl (from pillow case scraps), made a dragonfly necklace, and some other crap I've probably forgotten about.  All from stuff in my overflowing craft closet.  And then I redesigned the blog and am posting and have actually been on Facebook recently and drawing with Addie and that stuff. 

I love all this, I do, and I get a lot of pleasure from it.  But I'm a little, no A LOT, obsessed with it right now, I can feel it (I felt this way in December, too, at the end of the last semester).

It's not that I'm entering a period of not knowing what to do with myself.  I have plenty to do this summer (and please don't ask me what I do with my "summers off" the way everyone else does.  Puh-lease).  My dance-card is fuh-uh-uh-ull.  Same with fall.

I don't think it's our current state of economic uncertainty ("our" meaning our family).  Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I feel okay about that.

It's that I feel like I'm waiting for something.  For an important email.  Magically appearing money.  High honors.  I'm clicking send/receive on my email button every five minutes.  Racing to the mailbox.  Checking my phone.  I'm up for that teaching award--which has a nice cash prize--today.  It's freaking me out (the mental machinations of THAT are for another post).  But I don't know.  It's a weird sort of anxiety, and not even laying down on my office floor and breathing big breaths is making it go away.  Maybe I need to just go into it or something.

My meditations lately have been centered around the themes "pride," "humility," and "shame." 

You make the connections.  I can't bear to.


  1. Do you read the blog It makes me think of you.


  2. Dude, NEVER question or restrain the creativity binges. They are important for the soul. They matter. Also: it's freaking SPRING--things need to be born, fledglings coming up everywhere! Why wouldn't you be contributing to the glory?? Your extreme blog makeover gave me a small shock--but I like. Who cares either way?! It's an abundant universe, Juje!!!! All kinds of amazing things are coming your way. You are practicing EXPECTATION, as you should be. You are in the zone of faith and trust. Freaking RUN WITH IT!!

    I'm in a manic, wildly creative, Andy Goldsworthy-inspired gardening production along my south sidewalk. I have no doubt that my neighbors think I'm that crazy single lady with the silver hair. Who cares?! I want to write in my own blog, but too much running around. I have huge urges to paint my basement in a Rex Ray parade of resplendence! Who cares? It's all good, baby!

  3. Oh, my god! How had I not seen this blog before? I love it! Thanks!

  4. Okay, I LOVE this response. Thank you! Permission granted! I be crazy now!